"Cherry, plum, peach or apricot blossom all, just as they are, are entities possessing their own unique qualities." 
— Nichiren Daishonin 

I had to pinch myself ... There was a time when I felt as though I might have been the only gay member of SGI. "How awesome," I thought; "there are others!"

For me and many others, this conference was a dream come to fruition based in large part on the bold, tenacious effort of people like SGI-USA Women's leader Matilda Buck, and a YWD from San Francisco, Diana Elrod, not to mention the courageous causes in the past of many others including our friend, the late Margaret Singleton. 

The GLBT conference was filled to capacity with an exuberant crowd who had traveled from all over the USA, from France, Italy, Switzerland, St. Maarten, and even as far as Australia. They ranged in ages from about 19 to 65.

Thirty youth division members attended. More than half the people present had practiced between 15 and 30 years. 

On the bus from Ft. Lauderdale airport to FNCC, I had the opportunity to sit next to a young woman who readily shared some of her experiences and frustrations with me. I immediately sensed her struggle. It was at that moment that I became acutely aware that my struggles were probably minuscule compared to other people's, and that my mission would be to open my heart and life to others at this conference. The young woman explained that she works in a factory with only men. For personal reasons, she hasn't felt comfortable to come out to her co-workers. They do suspect that she is a lesbian, and because of their prejudices, they continue to harass her in many ways. She feels that she has no support system, not even from her boss who once made her apologize to her male co-workers for losing her temper when they played a mean prank on her. I was able to encourage that young woman on the bus. 

On the first full day of the conference, I met a men's division district leader who has practiced for over 25 years. He told me that he had never come out of the closet. He was trying to develop the courage to start by coming out to the members in his district. He couldn't even tell them he was attending this conference. More on him at the end of this report. 

Matilda Buck sent a heartwarming videotape which was played at the very beginning of the first full day of the conference. Matilda saluted our bravery and offered a deeply sincere apology on behalf of the SGI-USA organization for all the sufferings caused by the organization in the past. She acknowledged the grief our community has suffered and called us heroes of kosen-rufu and champions of humanity. She said "it is the mission of people who are hurt and suffering to unhesitatingly lead all suffering people to the real truth of oneself."

Our SGI-USA General Director, Danny Nagashima opened his remarks by reading SGI President Ikeda's message to our group. That message reads in part:

"Buddhism upholds equality and expounds supreme humanism. All human beings have equal rights. There is no difference whatsoever in their inherent dignity. So no matter what you may face, please live with pride, confidence and courage.... Please be true to yourself and live free, for you all embody the Mystic Law... I am praying from the bottom of my heart for your great happiness, peace and safety." 
—  March 8, 2001, Daisaku Ikeda 

Danny told us that this conference is a reflection of our hearts and our sense of determination. He said that President Ikeda explained that May 3, 2001 will mark a new era for SGI and a new era of humanism. Therefore, it is no coincidence that this particular group was convened at this time. He then went on to give a lecture explaining the importance of the mentor/disciple relationship. He explained that throughout history, the way Buddhism has expanded has been through the mentor/disciple relationship. "Those with the mission to spread Buddhism are constantly reborn on an unlimited number of planets throughout the universe. Some people today may think that the mentor/disciple relationship is not necessary, but each person who makes a great breakthrough in science or in sports is greatly influenced by a mentor. When the mentor/disciple relationship blossoms, Buddhism spreads."

SGI-USA study chief Greg Martin gave a powerfully self-empowering lecture asking and answering the question "What is Happiness?" He used reference material from his new book, The Buddha in Your Mirror which is soon to be available, not at SGI Community Centers, but rather at Barnes & Noble bookstores some time in April. When I dialogued with Greg the day before, he explained that The Buddha in Your Mirror is the first comprehensive book written about our practice in SGI that is geared toward the non-Buddhist reader. 

During his lecture, Greg explained that our society tells us to seek out relative happiness. "Buddhism says true happiness is available. But chanting for stuff does not lead to happiness." In his words, "We have to be audacious enough to believe that we are Buddhas. We should try to find the treasure in other peoples' hearts, and then we will find it in our own." I videotaped Greg Martin's lecture in its entirety. It was truly one of the best, if not the best lecture I've attended.

We heard experience after gut-wrenching, yet heartwarming experience. Two in particular really struck me. One was by a former area women's leader in Philadelphia. Her leader had given her an ultimatum: leave her girlfriend and to go back to her husband, or give up her position in the organization.

After much soul searching, she decided to give up her position. With the free time, she went back to school and completed her Masters and Ph.D. degrees. She and her husband had a very amicable split. This woman and her girlfriend have been living happily together since, raising each other's children as one family. They even started a community outreach center for at-risk gay and lesbian youth. She's now a very active and effective chapter leader in Philadelphia. Ironically, the leader who gave her that guidance was sitting just a few feet away when she gave this experience. The beauty of the whole thing was that she thanked him because, even without a leadership position, she was able to use her Buddhist practice to create a tremendous victory in her life. 

The other experience that clearly rocked the entire house was given by a handsome Japanese young man nicknamed Taka. Long story short, Taka was a fortune baby, born into this practice with parents who are leaders of the Soka Gakkai in Japan. Growing up he always heard "Taka, you have a great mission — you are going to be a great leader one day." Hearing this only made Taka feel very uneasy within because he knew he was gay and he felt he couldn't talk to anybody about it. He too said that he felt he was the only gay person in the organization. 

He attended Soka University in Japan, but in spite of seeing President Ikeda on several occasions, his internal torment wouldn't allow him to connect with Sensei's spirit. Taka eventually moved to Los Angeles. He even went to the Headquarters building and was greeted by the leaders. He was now in America but Taka still couldn't connect because of his secret. Taka ended up homeless in Santa Monica, living on the beach and prostituting himself for money. Taka had never even had a boyfriend because of his inhibitions with his identity. Eventually, Taka was able to take a hold of his life and strengthen his Buddhist practice. He now lives in New Jersey, has a house and a car. Taka trembled and cried deeply when he revealed that not until that moment at this conference, did he feel the sense that he wasn't the only gay person and that he felt President Ikeda's concern for us.

In essence, his participation at the conference changed his life. The entire assembly was emotional. By the time Taka was done speaking, about 10 of us, myself included, were compelled to run to the front for a big warm embrace with Taka in the center.

Some people like myself who have had the opportunity to practice for many years shared how they were told by their NSA leaders that they had to change their karma and become straight. Some people got married. But all of those people gathered at FNCC continued in faith and eventually proved a victory in their lives without having to artificially change their transient identity.

These accounts allowed me to reflect upon my earlier days of practice in New York City, in Mexico and finally for the last 21 years in Washington DC. Unlike the "witch hunt" accounts I was hearing, I had the good fortune to have a leader who treated me with love and respect, as if I was a member of his own family. That leader even came to my home and told me that I should never be ashamed of being gay —  that homosexuality was prevalent even Japan in the Daishonin's day. That man was our then-Washington DC leader, Guy McCloskey.

A word about Linda Johnson, our vice SGI-USA women's leader. She was a spiritual wellspring. She was up every night until 3:20 AM sharing heartfelt guidance in rooms filled with open hearts. She had so much passion to ease people's suffering.

We were treated to a viewing of a short HBO movie entitled "Trevor." It is the story of a misunderstood young boy who perches himself in front of the bathroom mirror and sings like Diana Ross. Trevor had a crush on another boy at school but he  was ridiculed for it. He tried to commit suicide. Trevor is representative of many teenaged gay youth in this country.

I had actually first seen this film when it was on HBO. Something about the way it presented the dignity of Trevor's humanity, and a mention of Buddhism in the film, made me seriously wonder if a Buddhist was involved in the film's production. At FNCC I found out that Trevor was in fact written by a men's division member, who's experience was read by his friend at the conclusion of the film.

For the first time at any FNCC conference, each member was presented with a set of juzu beads from President Ikeda, along with our certificates and commemorative photographs.

Since the conference, our online group for mutual encouragement, SGI-Diversity, has grown way past the number of the actual FNCC participants. Each day I get anywhere from 10 to 40 messages on my home computer from other members who continue to share their experiences and thoughts. 

Now remember that district chief who had difficulty coming out of the closet? I received an email recently that he finally came out at a district meeting and the members all applauded him. He writes in his email about coming out to his members:

"It was really great and I feel a sense of wholeness now — I am SO appreciative for having had that FNCC experience with all of you!"

Also I received a postcard from Diana Elrod, the young woman from San Francisco who spearheaded this conference. She personally sent a card to every participant. Her message in part states:

"By the time you get this, Matilda Buck and Greg Martin will have arrived in Japan to meet Sensei and share with him the power of your faith. Matilda is carrying the rainbow beads and the thank you card to present to Sensei personally, while Greg has made it his number one goal to share his feelings with Sensei face-to-face. It's really astounding when you think about it."

Cherry, plum, peach or apricot blossom —  each of us is different in our own way. How beautiful!

[This experience was given at the Montgomery Area Kosen Rufu Gongyo —  there was a standing ovation.]