Before I started to practice Buddhism, I believed that I had to accept my place in life, whatever was dealt to me. I didn't know that I could change my karma. I also didn't realize at the time that I was very depressed, even though I contemplated suicide. 

I spent my days off lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours, thinking of what I needed to do but not accomplishing much. Even though I appeared to be a functioning adult, the reality was that I didn't feel like I was going anywhere, and I couldn't imagine a future for myself. 

Since I started practicing Buddhism 14 years ago, I have had so many benefits! These include the courage and confidence to pursue my dream to become a nurse in spite of getting sick at the sight of blood, crying for days if a patient died, and a huge lack of confidence that I could ever achieve anything so big. 

I have always chanted every day and have done lots of shakubuku, but I have been inconsistent with doing gongyo and participating in activities. 

Two years ago, while working as a full-time nurse with a 2-hour daily commute, I started attending acupuncture school. 

I needed to work part-time instead, close to home with a regular schedule. This is almost impossible to find in the nursing field. 

I started chanting for the perfect job at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, which is only ten minutes from my house. I was hired with the conditions I wanted and was paid almost double the rate I received before, and with less stressful working conditions. 

Once again daimoku got me exactly the job I wanted. 

My determined daimoku was also the only way I have been able to continue my acupuncture studies despite the many times I wanted to quit from frustration. School was so hard for me that I even had to waterproof my lecture notes and study in the shower. I was sure I wouldn't make it past the first semester. 

Meanwhile at work, funding cuts threatened my job three times. Instead of being paralyzed with self-blame, I chanted with the confidence that the money would come through, or I that would find a better job. Each time I kept my job and got a raise. 

At acupuncture school, I was encouraged to practice Buddhism more actively. Shortly after I decided to follow that advice, I attended my first activity in about 5 years. I noticed right away a dramatic reduction in test anxiety. 

Since then my studying has become more effective and I have raised my grades from low B’s to solid A’s. 

My "ideal job" was not the best as far as relationships with co-workers goes. To say “the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife” would be an understatement. 

There was one coworker who had an 8 year history of being hard to get along with and was constantly being written up by her supervisors. 

My response was to revert to my old way of just accepting that "This is how it is and this is how it's always going to be". Everywhere I had ever worked there had always been at least one negative person who always seemed to throw a monkey wrench into things. So I'll just live with it. 

Well, things have changed. As of last December, I added morning gongyo to my practice. 

The very first time I did gongyo before work, things were entirely different that day. The angry co-worker wasn't angry anymore. There was no more yelling at me, my co-workers, or our boss. 

And it's been this way ever since. As a matter of fact, this difficult coworker and I are getting to be friends. 

I realize now that doing gongyo enabled me to become more compassionate, more calm, and organized at work. 

This change in me positively affected the flow of the whole clinic. 

I have also learned that you don't' have to accept things you don't like.

Another benefit from adding gongyo to my daily practice is that now people come to me asking me to tell them about Buddhism. 

My practice over the years has also enabled my schizophrenic son to graduate from high school, get a driver's license, successfully maintain his own apartment, overcome suicidal tendencies, and to pursue his goals. He has hope now. He had none before. 

I have had so many more wonderful benefits I wish I could tell you about. 

Before practicing Buddhism, my best hope was just to survive every day. Now I feel that there are no limits to what I can accomplish. I can aspire to my highest dreams. I am on the right path, doing exactly what I want to do. 

I am starting a new career and have already been asked to give professional inservices at Walter Reed. 

My life's suffering didn't stop when I started chanting, but no matter what, I have never doubted the power of this Buddhist practice. I never thought, “why is this happening to me, even though I'm trying so hard.” I was never bitter. I was never in a hurry for something to happen. Instead I let the universe take its time to work things out, and I never hesitated to do shakubuku, no matter what personal problems I had. I think my sense of appreciation and shakubuku contributed to my getting so much benefit even though my practice hasn't been complete or consistent. My life used to be overwhelmed by insecurity. Now nobody and nothing can make me doubt myself — nothing. Because now that I have Nam Myoho-renge-kyo for guidance, I have a sense of direction instead of just stumbling around. 

My determination is to become consistent at both morning and evening gongyo, to become more active in the organization, and to deepen my understanding of this Buddhism by studying so that I can encourage more people to practice. 

World peace starts with each of us. If we can't have peace within ourselves, our families, and workplaces, how can we reach out beyond to help others achieve world peace? 

Thank you very much. 

[This experience was given at Montgomery Area World Peace Gongyo]