My Karma With Men
by Claudia Wellington
Virtually every relationship I have had with men (family included) has been abusive. If I wasn't getting beaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then it was emotional or verbal or spiritual abuse.
When I began this practice 18 years ago, I was in a relationship where I would get beaten for merely getting out of the car. Nothing got rid of this relationship — not police, not therapy, not the courts, nothing. It was either he dies or I do. I had actually stabbed him once while defending myself in one of our fights.
My life condition was so low that I didn't want to fight any more. This led to extreme despair, but because of this (wonderful, in hindsight!) man, I found the Gohonzon.
It took two years of intense 24/7 practice and activities to change this abusive relationship, but I campaigned so hard and changed it so much that he moved clear across country and out of my life forever!
Each relationship after that has been less and less abusive — until the last one! It was a day that I didn't have time to do gongyo (had to be at work by 7:15 am) and I met "the man of my life". That was true because he did show me my life — what my life would be like if I didn't practice. (I have the kind of life where I HAVE to do gonygo every day or I suffer profoundly.) I don't want to recount the list of problems in this spiritual, physical, sexual, and emotionally abusive relationship, but suffice it to say, I RAN to my leaders! The guidance was simple and yet the hardest thing to do. Isn't that always the case with life-to-life guidance?
The guidance was: "Chant for this person's happiness, chant to change the poison between you into medicine, and ask the Gohonzon to take his pain and suffering away."
That was four years ago — and since I got that guidance, I literally chanted 1/2 hour a day just about this situation in that manner. I still chant about this (again, wonderful!) person who showed me my life and forced me to change my relationship with the Gohonzon.
What was the benefit? Now I do not have to chase my fortune — it chases me. I have a wonderful relationship with a really nice human being (sincere, supportive, kind, compassionate — yes, I've shakubukued him — not to mention love, chocolates, flowers, and diamonds!). I truly changed a life-threatening situation into a life-supporting one.
The other thing
that changed my relationship with men was establishing a relationship with
President Ikeda. I write him once a month — no holds barred — in whatever
life condition I'm in. I tell him what's going on in my life, what my dreams
and struggles are, what my benefits are. I talk to him about the organization
and the temple issue — whatever is on my mind. I need to be able to open
my life to him and be free with him. Right now he is the parent I need
— other times, he is my teacher. I chant for
I have nothing
but appreciation for all the experiences I've had to go through in order
to 1) get to the Gohonzon, 2) get to a place where I am not being abused,
and 3) have a healthy, supportive relationship in my life.