Changing My Karma With Men

by Claudia Wellington

Virtually every relationship I have had with men (family included) has been abusive. If I wasn't getting beaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then it was emotional or verbal or spiritual abuse.

When I began this practice 18 years ago, I was in a relationship where I would get beaten for merely getting out of the car. Nothing got rid of this relationship not police, not therapy, not the courts, nothing. It was either he dies or I do. I had actually stabbed him once while defending myself in one of our fights.

My life condition was so low that I didn't want to fight any more. This led to extreme despair, but because of this (wonderful, in hindsight!) man, I found the Gohonzon. 

It took two years of intense 24/7 practice and activities to change this abusive relationship, but I campaigned so hard and changed it so much that he moved clear across country and out of my life forever!

Each relationship after that has been less and less abusive until the last one! It was a day that I didn't have time to do gongyo (had to be at work by 7:15 am) and I met "the man of my life". That was true because he did show me my life what my life would be like if I didn't practice. (I have the kind of life where I HAVE to do gonygo every day or I suffer profoundly.) I don't want to recount the list of problems in this spiritual, physical, sexual, and emotionally abusive relationship, but suffice it to say, I RAN to my leaders! The guidance was simple and yet the hardest thing to do. Isn't that always the case with life-to-life guidance?

The guidance was: "Chant for this person's happiness, chant to change the poison between you into medicine, and ask the Gohonzon to take his pain and suffering away."

That was four years ago and since I got that guidance, I literally chanted 1/2 hour a day just about this situation in that manner. I still chant about this (again, wonderful!) person who showed me my life and forced me to change my relationship with the Gohonzon. 

What was the benefit? Now I do not have to chase my fortune it chases me. I have a wonderful relationship with a really nice human being (sincere, supportive, kind, compassionate yes, I've shakubukued him not to mention love, chocolates, flowers, and diamonds!). I truly changed a life-threatening situation into a life-supporting one.

The other thing that changed my relationship with men was establishing a relationship with President Ikeda. I write him once a month no holds barred in whatever life condition I'm in. I tell him what's going on in my life, what my dreams and struggles are, what my benefits are. I talk to him about the organization and the temple issue whatever is on my mind. I need to be able to open my life to him and be free with him. Right now he is the parent I need other times, he is my teacher. I chant for
his happiness and good health, and that of his family. I have done this for the last 4 years. His representatives have answered me back exactly twice. I can feel his prayers for my life. Being able to have this kind of relationship with Pres. Ikeda has changed how I perceive myself in relationship to men, and how I relate to men.

I have nothing but appreciation for all the experiences I've had to go through in order to 1) get to the Gohonzon, 2) get to a place where I am not being abused, and 3) have a healthy, supportive relationship in my life.