The
Pipe Wrench of the True Dharma
The
foreman asked: "Who here knows plumbing?"
I stupidly
said: "I hate plumbing."
The
foreman figured that I must know more than the intelligent guys staring
blankly at his question.
That's
how I became a plumber.
The
masters of frustration-based profanity are all plumbers. I laughed when
I read "Increase your vocabulary, become a plumber" on a bumper sticker.
Master
plumbers can transform any word into a foul curse.
It
was a sooty basement; I was trying to remove a leaky pipe. The gap between
the 2X10s holding up the house were not illuminated by the droplight.
The
pipe wrench stuck and slipped. My knuckles slammed against the 2X10.
My vocabulary increased.
My
knuckles were throbbing and bleeding by the time I thought of Humphrey
Bogart's smile as he was pulled the "African Queen" through a leech-infested
swamp. This vision usually saves me from the sea of frustration.
I smiled.
The
pipe wrench slipped again.
My
vocabulary was about to expand again, when I remembered the words of a
wise woman.
She
said: "Before you say 'Goddamn' you should say 'Nam Myoho-renge-kyo.'"
I yelled
"Nam Myoho-renge-kyo, Goddammit!" and threw the pipe wrench across the
room. It clanked and fell to the floor.
I picked
it up and twirled the band that tightens and untightens the wrench.
It
worked perfectly.
It
never stuck again.
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