Difficulties:
Poison to the Weak, but Elixir to the Strong
A tribute
to my late beloved mother who will always have a special place in my heart.
I first learned
about the Gohonzon from my mother at a tender age of two in 1981. Not exactly
sure about what chanting was all about, I followed her anyway. However,
I was aware of one thing that my mother was a strong woman, and she derived
her strength through chanting to the Gohonzon.
We were living
in humble circumstances in a one-room flat. Times were tough, not so much
because we were not well-to-do, but more so because my father was an alcoholic,
and violence ensued after each drinking bout.
The last straw
came when a violent outburst nearly killed my mother. She decided to get
a divorce.
Although that
hurled us into financial difficulties, my mother struggled on, refusing
any help from my father’s family. Any woman in my mother’s shoes would
most probably have hated my father. However, my mother only cherished hopes
that my father would turn into a better person some day. Her attitude towards
the situation drew me towards this faith. I became more active and wanted
to find out more.
In 1996, my
faith was put to the test. I was in college when my mother was diagnosed
with cervix cancer! Although I was not aware of her exact condition, I
would imagine it must have been quite serious for the doctor actually sent
a psychologist to counsel me on handling the death of a loved one! I was
also aware that my mother had to go through a major operation which she
might not pull through.
Though I was
confused and agonized at the dramatic turn of events, my mother was a picture
of calmness and confidence. She assured me that she would not die as she
had yet to fulfill her responsibilities in the organisation (she was then
an active member in the make-up group -- that was my mother. Even in the
face of a seemingly irrevocable ill fate, she was in total control of her
own destiny!
I felt absolutely
reassured and was very determined to fight alongside her no matter what!
On the night
of her operation, I fought with nothing else but determined prayers to
the Gohonzon throughout the night, right till her operation was over the
following morning.
It was truly
amazing. The operation was a great success, and despite my mother’s weak
constitution, she survived. However, our problems did not stop here.
My mother had to go through radiotherapy and since both my brother and
I were still studying, we ran into financial difficulties again. Without
hesitation, we turned to the Gohonzon. Eventually, things got ironed out.
After learning about my problems, my teacher applied for financial aid
on my behalf, and my mother’s medical bills were also promptly taken care
of.
After the first
operation, my mother enjoyed good health for three years. In September
1999, she suffered a serious relapse and was hospitalized. This time, the
cancer cells also affected her kidneys, and the doctor told us that my
mother might not survive beyond a month!
I was devastated.
I just could not accept the fact that I had to go through such a trauma
when my friends only had their studies to worry about! Subsequently, my
mother requested a discharge.
After the discharge,
my mother though very weak, and bedridden by that time, kept her spirits
high. She chanted on her bed on days that she could not get up and walked
with my help to the Gohonzon when she could on other days. Once again,
my mother showed me the strength to carry on in life.
It was the toughest
period of my life as I was juggling between the preparation for my exams,
and taking care of my mother. Further, since my mother was so weak, she
needed someone round the clock to help her get around, and whenever she
needed to relieve herself. There was no way I could have survived without
fervent prayers to the Gohonzon. Everyday, I would rush to school after
taking care of my mother’s breakfast and needs, rush home straight after
school to cook as she was on a special diet, and study into the wee hours
of the morning before turning in. I was watching her closely. She usually
sleeps soundly for three to four hours. My greatest fear was to hear my
mother moaning in pain. It was as if I was having the sickness myself.
I would cry myself to sleep, while silently chanting in my heart, hoping
to help her alleviate her suffering.
I was close
to breaking down. I was so tempted to give up. But I could not afford to.
My mother had only me. I moved on, with the strong life force, and wisdom
derived from faith. Also, with strict and heart warming encouragement from
a Woman’s Division member, I was all out to give 100% to whichever role
I had to play — as a student, and as a good daughter.
It was truly
heartwarming for us to receive unconditional help from the members during
this time. There were regular chanting sessions, and some even helped take
care of my mother while I was in school. My leader, who was well aware
of the situation, was taking care of my members on my behalf.
This strenuous
routine lasted for three months when my exams ended. My mother requested
to visit her hometown in Seremban, Malaysia. Given her extremely weak condition,
I was very worried if she could make it there at all. We went to Malaysia
eventually. My mother spent many happy moments there. Her appetite improved
and she had all her favourite food. She regained her strength and sometimes,
even sang in bed! However, the shadow of her impending death lingered on
my mind. Once again, my mother, who had always been my friend, reassured
me with her optimistic outlook, cheerful thoughts and words.
Despite the
doctor’s prediction of her one-month lifespan after her second relapse,
my mother lived on for the next six months before she passed away in March
2000.
She was eventually
surrounded by my aunties, my grandmother, myself, my brother, and my father
during her last days. Yes, through my mother’s unstinting prayers to change
my father, our family was reunited. As if pre-arranged, my mother met my
father while she was visiting a member in the hospital. That happened just
one month before her second relapse. During the trying times, I was grateful
to have my father around as well. It was clearly, the result of my mother’s
prayers. Now, my father takes care of both my brother and me.
Although left
with very little time to study and amidst the emotional trauma I was confronting,
I passed my exams with flying colours and even earned a scholarship to
study in Japan for two months! Honestly, I feel my experience testifies
to what President Ikeda once said, “Youth should not seek an easy, comfortable
path. No one develops in a pampered environment. Youth should instead actively
seek out challenges and hardships, transforming them all into valuable
assets as they strive to become individuals of outstanding character and
ability.”
Through my mother’s
cheerful disposition, I have learned what it takes to lead a fulfilled
and meaningful life, imbued with optimism and courage, amidst tough times.
Copyright 2002 Gakkai Experiences Online
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